'The Family Connection' is our collection of stories and experiences from across all the parishes in which the movement is alive. If you have any experiences you would like to write about, or something else that you think might fit in upon this page, don't hesitate to e-mail it to our current webmaster who will get it up on the page as soon as possible. Submissions should be sent in .doc format, if at all possible, and any photos in .gif or .jpg format.
Please - give us stories!
10 years of Family Groups at St. Mary's Concord NSW
Once upon a time there was a parish that became involved in a renewal program. The program was called Parish 2000, and one of the most immediate outcomes was the dramatic increase in the number of Lenten Groups -- from about six to sixteen. Whilst these groups were essentially Gospel Discussion Groups, the value and benefit of parishioners meeting together in small groups was obvious.
However, fifteen years before this took place a Passionist Priest was appointed to the new, developing parish of St. Anthony in the Fields, at Terrey Hills. He had a group of parishioners who did not know one another, but were small in number. He realised that in order for them to get to know one another a sausage or two had to be barbequed, a bottle or two shared. At regular, low-cost functions people could really get to know another, share and care, and develop in their faith and love of Christ. The idea of family groups developed, the parish of Castle Hill took up the idea, and the Passionist Family Group Movement under the guidance of Father Peter McGrath, CP, was on its way.
Ten years ago, the older, more established parish of St. Mary's COncord heard of the Movement. They were anxious to build on the community spirit of Parish 2000, and in 1991, Family Groups came to Concord.
Now, today Fr. Peter McGrath is back visiting the parish where groups were started ten years ago. It was a very nervous beginning. At a meeting in the Hall, groups were formed. Suddenly the strangers that sat in front of you at Mass were in your Group. You were being asked to talk to them, to meet them once a month, and even mroe scary, to go away with them on a weekend. The even more nervous group were the folk called Leaders being asked to guide these groups. Six groups formed, over the years a couple melded into others, some who stated the journey got off the train, others got on board.
Today we have four active groups. You see them each first Sunday hosting the morning teas. Often they are the folk hanging around after Mass talking to teach other. THey see value in their group and would like you to become part of this. Strangers have become friends and the life of the parish has been enhanced.
First Family Group Home Mass at 'Grace Cottage'
Fr. Peter celebrated his first home mass at his new office at Frenchs Forest for our Family Group on March 22nd, 2002. There was a great 'turn up', and the evening was very moving. We were able to give support to Peter in his sad loss of his friend Denis Madisan and to ease the pain of his loss of his Alma Mater, the Monastery.
Cathie Ferguson wrote the following words:
It was a special Lenten Mass that the Family Group shared with Father Peter. It was a timely opportunity to not only celebrate the strength and fellowship of our Family Group, but also to celebrate the Family Group Movement's new home in Grace Avenue, Frenchs Forest.
Most families were represented at the Mass, and a special prayer was shared for those who could not make it.
On reflection the group has undergone such a wide range of collective and individual experiences over its eighteen years, all fo which have helped to inspire, envigorate, strengthen, support and guide the group members as we enter the family group's second generation. Recalling significant influences in the family Group's life, we prayed with fondness for Barbara's mother, Catherine, as she approaches her 90th birthday. Many gatherings and weekends away we shared with Catherine, whose warmth, wisdom and energy exuded from her towards each and every family group member young and old. She was always keen to show us new craft ideas and utilise every minute to get to know her wide circle of her world wide Family Group connections. WE extend to her our warmest birthday greetings.
Although there is "no place like home" (AKA the Monastery), "Grace Cottage" will become a significant venue for the Passionist Family Group Movement. From the moment we walked in past the beautiful crucifix from the Monastery, Father Peter was there (even before us!) and the house wuickly filled with our group members. The spirit of Christ was amongst us and a meaningful Mass followed.
It was great to be a part of the first Mass at the new Family Group Headquarters. Thank you, Father Peter in making this house a "sacred space" for us all.
God of the Ordinary
Where do you expect to find God? Ask any Catholic, indeed any Christian, about the ways in which they expect to encounter God. It's my guess that they will say pretty much the same things: when we gather for liturgy, in our times of personal and group prayer/sharing, when we study the scriptures.
The focus of Passionist Family Groups is that we do indeed encounter God and experience moments outside of the four walls of our churches and beyond the sacred spaces where we go in prayer. The spirituality of Family Groups is based around the reality that we encounter ordinarily; in the ordinariness of our daily lives and the ordinariness of our social relationships. In other words, our relationships with each other - the social is capable of revealing the spiritual.
Sadly, it seems many people find this hard to believe. We seem more comfortable in separating the social and the spiritual! Perhaps, like Elijah and the Israelites of his time, we have very narrow expectations about meeting God only in certain ways.
The difficulty of believing that God can be encountered in the ordinary is something we experience all the time. Above all it is found in the (very mistaken) understanding that because they seem to focus around social activities, they are 'just social'. We believe that people who fail to regonise that god can be in the ordinary who can possibly have such understanding.
The notion that God can be encountered in the people around us is a fundamental principle of the Family Group Movement. This logic is also expressed by Jesus in the New Testament, most notably in the well-known passage from Matthew's Gospel: "As long as you do it to your brother or sisters, you do it to me."
Sometimes the need of a person close to us is to receive practical support by way of many means. Sometimes the response called for is simply to get alongside and listen. Sometimes it is the need for us to grieve with others. Sometimes it is a need to celebrate important milestones like anniversaries, births or baptisms. Always there is the need to converse with, understand and love in real, concrete and ordinary ways. This is what Family Groups are all about. Thus, those times at which we share food and drink and play games are the vehicle whereby we build relationships so we can get close enough to people to recognise their needs.
Let's face it, we all know that as a rule people don't stand up and announce to the world when they need support and help. We prefer to suffer in silence. At best we are prepared to whisper to those who care about us. We will only pick up God's voice in the tiny whisperings of persons when we get close enough to them. John Kleinsman
A Family Group Still Going Strong after 25 Years
When we joined a Family Group 25 years ago it would not have entered our heads that we would still be in it after so many years. From memory, each day was an eternity while we were in the throes of bringing up two toddlers.
In 1977, we joined the then Mary and Leo Ingham Family Group. As for most people, Father Peter McGrath told us we were now in the Group. We had visions of meeting with 'holy people', discussing the Church, and having prayer nights. Thankfully, this was far from the truth. From the very start, our get-togethers were social and fun, for the adults as well as the children. We did not realise in those days that this would soon develop into our supporting and caring extended family. It finally dawned on us that this was the true meaning of Church - supporting each other in everyday family life.
We are sure everyone has heard of the weekends away at Leura. Those weekends were an adventure every time. A lost parent on a bush walk, children in hospital, rebellious teenagers smoking and trying to burn the place down were only some of the challenges we had to overcome. Through it all, the children and adults formed a bond that has lasted to this day. Oh, by the way, we found the lost adult, and the children all lived.
We agreed to lead the group around 1982. Our leadership lasted about six years before we handed over to Peg and Ken Richardson and Joan and Frank Fay. These couples were our fearless leaders until Lyn and Brian Nevin and Estelle Housten took teh reins and are still leading us into the future. Into what you might ask? Definitely one is old age, as the aches and pains tell us.
Our activities are different now. Originally between us we had about 30 children under 14. One in every three activities was adult only, as these adult gatherings were our special times to talk without the interruption of yells - MUM!!! DAD!!! The in-between-years have had so many memorable events. One event, without mentioning names, was a call we had at 2 a.m. in the morning from one of the teenagers in our group: Mum and Dad were away and the teenager was having extreme stomach pain. We were asked on the phone 'what is appendicitis like?'. Naturally, one of us went straight to their house and luckily no operation was needed. After we recovered from the trauma and the late night we realised that it was an extreme compliemtn for that teenager to feel comfortable about ringing us no matter what the time was.
Most of us have said goodbye to our parents during the last 25 years, with the Family Group being there to feed, support and look through the family photos of the times we had with our parents. Their support made the funeral day a true celebration of our parents' lives. First Communions, Confirmations, Birthdays and Wedding Anniversaries were all shared with the group and as a result of sharing these special times, sad and happy, our immediate families also became extended Family Group members.
It seems we have been ina Family Group all our lives. I can't think of a better way than continuing this practice into the future years. Another 25 years? Hopefully so.
Marilyn and Tony Smith
Armidale Family Groups - East Timorese Students
The Armidale Family Groups have been privileged over the last year to have 33 students from East Timor as part of their groups. The students have been in Armidale to study English. Now they have moved on to different universities all around Australia. We farewelled the students after the 5.30pm Mass Sunday 16th December with a Christmas party in the Cathedral grounds. We have been blessed by the presence of these young people. We have been inspired by their faith and their commitment to study in a new country. We have enjoyed celebrating with them. We will miss them and we wish them all the best in the future.
As the students moved on to their new homes and universities I have been able to introduce them to different Family Groups all over Australia. This is a sign that the Church is really alive and active through the Passionist Family Group Movement. Thank you to all the Family Group members who have helped these students settle in their new homes.
I have included two stories from Nina and Jose about their experience of living in Armidale and being part of a Family Group.
Co-ordinator, Wellington New Zealand
St Anthony's in the Fields
Terrey Hills NSW
Australia
Australia especially Armidale is the first place I have ever visited after my country got independence three years ago. When I first arrived in Armidale, I felt homesick. I missed my family friends and relatives. Not for so long this feeling faded away when the second East Timorese group including I was introduced the Armidale catholic family group.
We all feel happy and proud to the catholic family group of Armidale. During our presence here, many things have been done by the group to make our stay here more comfortable. Through catholic family group, we involve our selves in lots of activities. These activities involve religious activity such as having mass together as well as introducing us to wider community (other groups) and helping us with extra English speaking and listening skill.
I personally realise that without the catholic family group of Armidale, the relationship between the East Timorese students and the community of Armidale would not as good as what we all have seen, since we arrived here up until the time we left. The reason why I am saying this is due to the language problem and different culture background.
After joined the catholic family group as well as following its activities, I think that catholic family group is a unique group. The group unites everyone under its various activities and its togetherness. The group makes us all feel one; no matter if, we are an East Timorese, Australian or Chinese, etc.
It is not a secret that even though we are far away from our country, family, friends and relatives we still have family here that always give us attention, smile and love.
Thank you for all the kindness, love and attention given to us. We look forward to see you again.
On the 3rd March 2001, our group arrived in Armidale. We came to Armidale to study about English language for one year. Since our first day in Armidale, we had introduced to many people. These people helped us with different kind of things that we need that time. Even until our last minute in Armidale, we still feel that we were really supported by the Armidale people. One of these people was the family group.
We became to know the family group on a Sunday in our first days in Armidale. People in this group were very friendly to us. We felt and saw a special friendship that they offered to us when they approached us. It was like an honour for us to get such a relationship therefore we were always pleased to be around them.
There were many things that we've got from the family group. One the most important was their acceptance of us as a part of their family. Being far away from our family in our early days in Armidale was quite hard for most of us. Especially last Christmas when we couldn't celebrate the Christmas with our family in East Timor. The family group made us through the Christmas easier by involving us in each of their family's celebration. Some of us were join with other family groups from another place too. Not only that but they also would like to spend some of their time to help us in our studies. For example, by providing some of us with some extra lessons after class once or twice a week. All of these help have huge worth values that we even cannot give back as return.
I may forgot to mention others but please don't ever think that we've forgotten your other kind deeds . We realise our stay in Armidale has became the enjoyable and the sweetest one because of your work too.
Finally, I'd like to apologise if I've said something wrong in this story against you all or maybe have forgotten to mention anything. Next, please allow me to talk on behalf of our group; the 2nd group of East Timorese students, to say thank you very much from the bottom of our heart for helping us generously. We are really appreciate it. We will always put them special in each of our heart. If we've misbehaved during our presence in Armidale, please forgive us.
WHEREVER WE ARE, WE WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AND MAY GOD ALWAYS GUIDE YOU IN YOUR EVERY SINGLE STEP.
Margaret Latham
Peoplescape
Peoplescape is one of the last projects celebrating Australia's Centenary of Federation. Back in February 2001, all Australians were invited to nominate someone whom they felt had significantly affected their life, their community, or their country. The successful nominees were sent a life size, person-shaped cut-out to decorate, using whatever methods and materials best signified the personality and achievements of the person they nominated. Thousands of figures were installed on the slopes of Parliament House and Federation Mall. The Peoplescape exhibition was open to the public from 25th November to 4th of December, 2001.
Di Munro decided to nominate Fr Peter McGrath. This is what she wrote, which now appears among the stories on the Peoplescape website.
What contribution has this person made?
Father Peter McGrath is the founder of the Family Group Movement which he began more than 24 years ago. It began initially in a very small parish at Terrey Hills to encourage the people to know each other. Families form a group which meet once a month socially at picnics or in homes. Once a year they go away for the week end together. They make friends and eventually become as close as family and provide a network for each other in a practial way - enjoying good times together and supporting each other in sad times. The movement has spread from St Anthony's to parishes in all denominations and to other countries.
Why is this personal important?
I went to St Anthony's from a parish where I had lived for 15 years. I had left the area where I grew up when I married and knew no one. After 15 years having been at home with four children the only people I had met were mothers at the school and acquaintances at the children's sporting clubs. There was no social contact and no support from the local church. Since joining a family group I have had a number of close friends to share experiences, talk over problems, laugh and cry together. I now have an extended family - something which is lacking in so many lives these days. I owe all to Fr Peter's vision and courage. I believe that he has provided a home for a world where so many people are too busy to listen to each other.
Congratulations to Di Munro for seizing this opportunity to promote the Family Group Movement. Check out the website at www.peoplescape.com.au
Passionist Family Group Movement Co-ordinators' Day
There were some interesting questions posed at the meeting. I think it would be helpful for all of us to reflect on them. I will read my report of the Seminar and then ask for your views on the questions posed. They were:
1. How do you see your role as a co-ordinator?
2. How do you see the roles of your members?
3. What do you think your groups have achieved so far?
4. What would you like to see introduced in the future?
5. What helps you stay on as a co-ordinator?
6. How do you see the future of Family Groups?
7. What do you still need?
The Seminar was conducted at the Passionist Monastry at St. Ives. It was a happy occasion, but with many sad overtones, because it was to be the last meeting held there; the property has been sold.
Father Peter McGrath was in America on 11th September, 2001. He said "I was with the New York Fire Department before and after. I said Mass for over 2,500 people on the Sunday after that terrible day and never, never in my life have I been more convinced of the desperate need we all have to belong. To belong to a family, an extended family, a living, breathing, loving community.
When all the people in that large congregation of St. Maximilian Kolbe, Scarborough, Maine, USA joined hands at the Lord's Prayer, there was a unity forged by grief and pain. The presence of Christ crucified in His people, that words could never express. We were turned in mind and heart to the arms and forgiveness of the Father of the Prodigal Son. Through the falling buildings, the crashing planes, the smoke, the flame, and the ash, our Father was embracing his daughters and his sons violently taken from this world."
He continued, " On that Sunday, I began the Family Groups in the 435th parish in the world. When I left Scarborough, Maine, USA, I knew that at least 300 families were now joined together with a bond of friendship and love that would grow in their personal lives. Their love for each other would increase the Christian community of their Parish."
Fr Peter McGrath went on to say that it is important that parishioners learn to know one other. Not to shake hands at the Sign of Peace and shoot through in their cars after Mass is over. We can't support each other if we don't know each other. When people are in trouble we feel we can't intrude. They are left to battle for themselves.
He said "Change names into faces, and faces into friends to build up a truly Christian Community. This gives a deeper expression to one's participation in the parish, especially in the Eucharist which is the Living Symbol of our union with Christ and each other." Many people at the Seminar spoke of the problems they encounter through having a disinterested Parish Priest. Some were told by their priests that they could form Family Groups if they wanted to but not to involve the clergy. This made them all the more determined to form groups, and make them successful. I had naturally assumed that all parishes would have the full support of their Parish Priest, as we have, but sadly this is not the case.
The morning session was occupied with prayers, hymn singing, meditation, and introduction of members. Some of whom had travelled from country centres and inter-state.
After lunch, to our amazement, we were instructed in the art of dancing the Cha-Cha! Everyone had to participate. The reason being that we should be prepared to try new things. To step out of our comfort zone. To develop heart-sight rather than eye-sight; to nurture passions for positivity. (My husband Michael, a non-dancer, has not danced since he had to do the mandatory Wedding Waltz with me thirty one years ago - and although he could not see the sense in the activity, he shrugged his shoulders and "gave it a go." (I might add he looked very relieved when it was over and he was able to sit down!)
We were told that when we encounter rough situations we should soothe ourselves down rather than wind ourselves up. That many things won't go our way, but to celebrate extravagantly when they do.
A suggestion was made by a group member that when a young mother can't attend functions which she'd like to, because things like children's homework needs supervising, that arrangements be made with a Family Group member to fill in for the mum occasionally. Apparently this works very well in their Family Group.
Some groups have Parish Games Nights when members of the different groups come together to socialise. Others have Casserole Nights, or Home Masses, or "Tell it like it is" sessions, where members talk about a given subject. Their last one was "My Best Birthday Experience". These talks can be 'deep and meaningful' or humorous.
I would like to suggest that the Group Leaders of St. Leonard's Family Groups come together at least twice a year to share and compare notes on activities conducted and talk about the results of each. We can learn much from each other. The notes in the Church Bulletin give us an outline of activities, but it is good to share in more detail and on a more personal basis.
For instance, the last time that the Haynes Family Group gathered at our home for an activity (which was called "Lunch, Love and Laughter" in the bulletin), something very special happened. During the extended luncheon, when all were enjoying the meal, and laughing a lot, I suddenly looked across the table at Bill Beattie and wondered what kind of work he did as a young man. What his wife was like, What made him happy … I then looked around the table and thought "You don't REALLY know these people at all." I invited any of them who would like to, to tell us about their life. Not one refused. In fact they seemed eager to talk. This resulted in both laughter and tears. There were some amazing stories told, some which produced tears, but they were tears of a healing kind. The stories were told openly, without a trace of embarrassment, because they each knew that we cared about them and really wanted to get to know them better.
Shortly afterwards, Bill Beattie died. Each person in our group felt a real sense of loss, because we really knew him. Several of them phoned me later and said "Wasn't it wonderful that Bill was able to share his feelings with us that day over the dinner table! To laugh with us, to cry with us!"
Another example of the type of story which should be shared amongst the Family Groups happened the last time we were at the Dougherty Centre. I won't mention names, but two of our parishioners were having an animated conversation up one end of the dinner table. One suddenly put her hand on the other's arm and said "I'm so pleased I've got to know you. I've seen you so often at Mass over the years, and now I feel I know you!" (They are 93 and 87 years old!) The group gathered at 11 am and remained happily together until almost 5 pm. They didn't seem anxious to go home.
I asked the group last week if they would prefer to go to the Dougherty Centre every second month rather than every month, and do a different activity on alternate months. They very quickly said No. They like the variety of activities offered, but as well as that they have met other people of their own age who are not parishioners, and they enjoy meeting up with them regularly.
When I responded to the invitation to attend the seminar, I was asked by Mary Ingham from the Family Group office, to bring St. Leonard's banner on the day for everyone to see. They were very impressed with it, and hung it proudly next to the altar. Many people inspected it closely, some took photos of it, others asked where it was made. One lady called out excitedly "That's St. Leonard's Naremburn! We were married there forty eight years ago!" Everyone gave them a clap. (I found out that she was Nancy Fallon and she went to school and played netball with Mary Teteris.)
There was only one aspect of the conference which disappointed me, and that was that after we divided into groups to discuss the pros and cons of our own Family Group activities there was no public feed-back from a group leader, which meant that a lot of valuable information being discussed in small groups was not passed on to the whole group. Mass was arranged immediately afterwards.
Each of us brought food to the seminar for sharing, which is typical of Family Group activity, and the day concluded with Mass. It was a joyous occasion, and yet contained a note of sadness because that was the last Mass to be celebrated in that chapel. Mary Ingham thanked Fr. Peter on behalf of all the Family Groups, gave him a big hug, and he shed some tears. The end of an era …
If you'd like to, we can now discuss the questions posed at the opening of this report, and also any other matters of interest.
Annette Hayes
Natalie C. Young 1930 - 2001
LEWISTON - Natalie Conner Young, a resident of Summit Street, Auburn, died early Sunday at St. Mary's Regional Medical Center in Lewiston following a long illness.
She was born in Lewiston, Jan. 5 1930, the daughter of Charles Kenneth and Florence Worthern Conner.
She was educated in the grammar schools of Auburn, graduated in 1947 from Edward Little High School, was a 1952 graduate of Bates College, having received a bachelor of science degree in nursing, and in 1987 graduated from the UNiversity of Texas receiving a master's degree in nursing.
On February 27, 1951, she married John H. Young in Lewiston. She was employed as a teacher and later as a professor of nursing during her career. She first instructed for nine yeras at Central Maine General Hospital (now C.M.M.C.), and then for 20 years at Saint Mary's Regional Medical Center. She then worked as a professor at the UNiversity of New England in Biddeford for nine years before retiring in July of 1995. She was very active in her community, having been a member of St. Philip's parish in Auburn, where she sang in the choir and was a cantor.
She was a Maine director of Family Group U.S.A., was a marriage encounter team member with the state of Maine for 15 years and had been an active member of the Robinson Players at Bates College. She served on several other various committees and boards over the years. She enjoyed knitting, sewing and was an avid reader. She also enjoyed traveling, having ventured to the Caribbean, Israel and Egypt to name but a few of her destinations. The most important interests in her life were her family members. She made it a priority in her life to not only mother her own children, but her grandchildren and greatgrandchildren as well.
Survivors include her husband and her father of Auburn; two daughters, Mrs. David (carol E.) Albert of Pitston, and Katherine E. Young of Bangor; five sons, Col. John K., U.S.M.C, and his wife, Patrice, of Okinawa, Japan, James W. and his wife, Lor-Ann, of Poland, Jeffery P. and his wife, Michelle, of NOrth Monmouth, Jerome M. of Old Orchard Beach, and Joel G. and his wife, Lisa, of New Gloucester; three sisters, Mrs. Malcomb (Carol) sawer of Mechanic Falls, Mrs. Harold (Mary-Ellen) Goss of Poland and Mrs. Frank (Constance) Drigotas of Biloxi, Miss.; 16 grandchildren; and three great-grandchildren.
She was predeceased by a son, Joel Timothy, in 1958.
Recently, I returned to Saint Philip's Parish in Auburn to take part in funeral Masses of two parishioners. Since I did not preside at the Masses, I was able to allow my mind to wander a little as I listened to the homily and the eulogy of both persons, asking myself how each of these individuals had influenced my ministry and my perception of life. Here's what I've come up with.
[Cut]
Natalie Young, her husband John and I go back some 25 years. I can't recall how we first met. But we took part in several Marriage Encounter (ME) Weekends. John and Nat were the senior couple; I was the "encounter priest" for those weekends. Nat was an extremely positive person. Whenever she and John shared their story, couples would say to themselves, "Here are two people who are so different from each other. Yet they've made their marriage work. We can do it too!"
One vivid memory is when Nat's parents were celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary on a ME weekend. It didn't seem to bother Nat one bit to have her mother and father listen in on her and John's personal sharing of their married life. That was Nat: totally committed to her faith and her desire to share it. She entered the Catholic Church as an adult, knowing the value of personal commitment to faith from her Congregational upbringing.
Since Vatican Council II, Nat has been ready to take on the renewed role of the laity in the Church. That's why she did so well in Marriage Encounter. I refer to her as a present day Apostle Paul, the feminine version, that is! And with the advent of the Internet, she wrote letter after letter, which she sent all over the world.
When I arrived at Saint Philip's in 1993, I asked Nat and John to take on the leadership of the Family Life Commission and to investigate a new movement to our country, the Passionist Family Groups. Within a year of that request, our Parish Council had made a decision to introduce "Family Groups" to our parish. John and Nat soon became the National Directors for this developing movement. They were willing and capable of traveling wherever and whenever there was work to be done. Even down under!
I can truly say that over the years Nat has opened my mind and heart to a greater understanding of the Sacrament of Marriage in the Church. Her entire married life was to share with her family and friends the deep relationship she and John enjoyed as friends and lovers. There was no doubt about it. Their relationship flowed over to all who came in contact with them. A true presence of God's love in our midst.
Father Roger P. Chabot
THE HENRY FAMILY GROUP (after the first year)
Anne Henry
Family Group Leader at St. Jude's parish
Mountaintop, Pennsylvania
USA
What if I'm Not Catholic?
His homily was unlike any I'd ever heard. I was mesmerized by every word. He was expressing my exact sentiments about how people should act in church.This man's message was simple on the surface, more complex as one had time to consider his words. He was asking us to be neighborly, to spend time together and to develop community spirit. This Catholic congregation was being invited to shift its thinking. To move out of sit-in-the-same-place, keep-your-coat-on, and leave-as-fast-as-you-can behavior. The most incredible part? The man issuing this invitation was Father Peter McGrath, a Passionest Priest from Australia! How did he suggest this congregation accomplish the above? By forming a community of family groups.
My Catholic husband, Brian, had talked about Father Peter and the concept of family groups. He said he had been invited by Father Jacques to be a family group leader. I said fine; Brian was involved in other church activities and this would simply be one more. It wasn't until Father Jacques announced the group leaders' names and asked them to join with those families who would be in their group that I heard my name with Brian's as one of the group leaders. After giving Brian a "we'll discuss this later" look, my first thought was "how can I be a leader of a group of Catholic people if I'm not Catholic?
Five years later, I know the answer to that question. Any one can be part of a family group, whether as a leader or a member. I'll relate back to what Father Peter said the first time I saw him. We just need to get together and enjoy each other's friendship and eventual love. There are no rules about who or what you have to be. I had put my own biases in the way of feeling accepted. I discovered that no one cared that I wasn't Catholic; they only cared about me.
Over the past years, being involved in the family group has brought me closer to the church. I have become involved in more activities, therefore I've gotten to know more people and have broken my own cycle of mistrust and insecurities. The family group movement in our church reminds me of those perennials that grow close to the ground and spread around the base of the other flowers a little farther every year. Our groups, with nurturing, have grown in number. They also have started interacting so that the involved members are not limited to knowing only families in one group. I now see the time before and after masses looking more like a vibrant community of people than ever before. As with the perennials, the family groups are spreading around the other church activities and functions, and connecting the people at St. Charles in many ways. To me this is the meaning of church, a place to go and love God and each other. It doesn't matter if you are not Catholic. It just matters that you are there.
Karin Congleton
St. Charles Borromeo Parish
Brunswick, Maine
USA
Re-writing the final Judgement - Family Group style
First Version:
I was sick and you took care of me. "I am an eight year old boy dying of AIDS. You took me in as one of your own. You helped me to celebrate my life and impending death with the Family Group."
I was hungry and thirsty - for love, not knowing it. And you touched me. "We were parents who changed our rigid, harsh parenting of our children through the love and example of other parents in our Family Groups."
I was a stranger to myself and you opened my eyes. "We belong to Family Groups. Gradually we were able to talk, share our experiences. We opened up as you listened. We saw the world and other people - even ourselves, as friends. Before we were strangers in a foreign land."
I was imprisoned - the secrets of my life hidden within me. "You opened my heart and allowed me to speak. I was not condemned. I was freed." "I was a father who couldn't forgive my teenage son. Over time, my heart was freed and I was able to share my feelings honestly with my group and learn to forgive."
2nd Version:
I was hungry for company and you talked to me.
I was obnoxious and you tolerated me.
I was a stranger and you welcomed me into a Family Group.
I was feeling overwhelmed by the stresses of child/teenage-raising and you shared and supported me.
I was seriously ill and you rallied round me. Through the illness, our Family Group was brought closer together.
I had a baby and you brought a casserole to our home.
Creating Community
A Church is made up of people.
There are no special
qualifications of money,
of position or cleverness required.
We are the Church.
We are God's people.
There are still
people who feel them-
selves to be shoppers in
the great supermarket of the Church.
The way it ought to be
in the Church is that
everyone is recognised
- everyone with name and a face.
A good salad
isn't just made of lettuce.
Just so, our Church
must make the most
of the qualities and
work of each person,
welcoming each
person's help.
The Church may be
well-organized, but it will
sink down like a
wheel which is stuck in the mud
and skids round and round
in the same place,
if the people are not alive and
attentive to the Holy spirit.
It is worthwhile
to work in small groups.
A spoonful of sugar dissolved
in a small cup sweetens the coffee,
and this is the way with the
Gospel in a small community.
But put the same spoonful of sugar
into a huge pot of coffee and its
taste simply gets lost.
Introducing Family Groups... From the Pulpit
The following is a presentation delivered by Geoff Bates, Southern Maine Family Group Director, USA To St. Maximillan Kolbe Parish, Scarborough, Maine, USA
It begins at the Homily....
Thanks Fr. Jim, and Good Morning everyone, I'm Geoff Bates and this is my wife Madeleine.
When we started appearing at parish pulpits a couple of years ago, Madeleine said to me..."You do all the talking....can't I just stand next to you and look pretty?...Fair enough I said." Well, here we are, two years later...same rules apply....I'm the "mouthpiece" and she's, of course,....still pretty.
It was a small parish not far from here that 8 years ago a man walked through the Narthex on his way into Sunday Mass. He was wearing a baseball cap, and walked right into church with it still on his head. Now, it didn't take a moment for Gertrude and Marion, the Church Police sitting in the back row to take note of this. In fact, Gertrude turned to the man as he walked by her and said...."....psst.....your hat!!". The man gestured ....oh sure, thanks....and didn't remove it. It was quite a walk down the center aisle, and neither of the ladies were going to let this get by them. So up one got out of her seat and over she went to one of the Ushers to make sure this perceived violation of Canon Law was going to be dealt with quickly. Down the aisle the usher goes and intercepts the man just prior to him sitting down. "Please sir, kindly remove your hat in church....no problem....he says....thanks ....". The usher went back to the rear of the church and still no hat removal. By now the Pastor was beginning his procession down the aisle for Mass and you could see the usher briefly whisper something in his ear. As the priest entered the sanctuary and turned on his microphone he said to the man, "Excuse me sir, it is common catholic courtesy to allow no man to wear a hat in Church." "Oopps, says the Man...sorry, I'll remove it right away."..."Well, the Priest said, you must be new to this parish or the Catholic Church not to have known that. "No, not at all, he said, I've been coming here and sitting in this very seat now for 5 years ....but this is wonderful .... it's the first time that anyone has ever spoken to me.!
Madeleine and I are the Southern Maine Directors for the Family Group Movement. There are two other of our "compadre" couples here in Maine that watch over the Western and Northeastern sections. We're here today to introduce ourselves and the Family Group Movement which you've already been reading about in your bulletin for a while now. In three more months we'll be here with you here at St. Max's (along with your own Family Group parish coordinators, Paul and Diane Unni) to help you kick it off.
Family Groups are about parish community building, but even more basic, giving yourselves an opportunity to get to know people in your parish in a safe, informal way. Now, there's been lots of books written and rhetoric spoken in the past about Parish Community building, but it all really "boils down" to simply loving one another. ...St. Paul tells us "...that in the end, all that really matters is that we love one another." Now that's pretty easy to say isn't it? Amidst a world where just this week here in Maine BIW "laid off" 175 Electricians and Envisionet just filed for Bankruptcy, ...."come on" St. Paul, give us a break..... We can't be bothered with this concept of Loving One Another....we're too busy trying to make a living!!
Well, truth be told, we CAN do both. All it takes is "balance, perspective, and desire". Three weeks ago today, Madeleine and I attended a new Church Dedication up in "The Harpswells" named after the recently cannonized St. Katharine Drexel, foundress of the Sisters of the Blessed Sacrament. There, our own Bishop Joseph "hit the nail on the head" when he told a "packed filled Church" that "...in a world of consumerism, materialism, and a "me first attitude", we have a Patroness who saw that the human heart was made for God, and it would ever be restless until it rested in him." Joining a Family Group will enable you to experience all of that.
Family groups here at St. Max's will be consist of a broad based sampling of about a 12 to 14 what we call "Family units" per group that get together once a month for a pre-arranged social gathering at some location. A family unit can be the widow Mary who lives all alone, it can be Jule, the single parent with one child, it can be John who left the seminary for a variety of reasons of his own, it can be Ron and Donna with their 3 children who moved here from Texas two months ago...or it can be Brenda and Bill, now in the senior years who have been parishoners at St. Max's since it was dedicated a few years ago. The term "family" in todays' parishes has taken on a broad definition, no longer restricted to "a wife, a husband, two kids and a dog."
A Family Group is for everyone. It's an extension of your blood family if you have one, it BECOMES your family if you don't. It's not a prayer group, it's not bible group. There are places for those in every parish too....no dispute there. Fr. Peter McGrath, the Australian Passionist Priest who founded the movement 30 years ago, suggests that you make your get togethers simple, inexpensive, and informal. For example, in a plain and simple social setting your Family Group may get together for a summer afternoon picnic at Ft. Williams Park, or for a walk together through the Old Port on a Sunday Fall afternoon, an hour or two of bowling together on a chilly winter day, or maybe even for a quick Pot luck Saturday night get together here in your parish hall. Over a period of time, this social initiative gradually, without you even realizing, turns into a bond of love that develops deep roots of christianity and parish community. And if you have a mixed faith marriage that is seen in so many parishes these days, encourage your spouse that is not a Catholic to join this group....there's no need of embarrassment or pressures to convert or "just plain fit in". It is a far reaching Ecumenical Movement.
There are eight parishes here in the USA involved in the Family Group Movement, seven of which are right here in Maine. We're from one of them, St.Charles in Brunswick, where we've been in Family Groups since their introduction by Fr. Peter McGrath 6 years ago. At St. Charles we have 8 family groups, with a parish wide composition now of about 400 people. Throughout the world, there are some 425 Family Group parishes now, the vast majority being in Australia and New Zealand where they originally introduced by Fr. Peter years ago.
In closing, you can tell when a Family Group is "working" in a parish when:
1. It takes more than 6 minutes flat to empty your parking lot after Mass.
2. When Joe the butcher and David the airline pilot are sitting in a canoe fishing together at one of your family group's afternoon get togethers and neither is catching a thing....but it doesn't matter to either one of them
3. When Marion, the 75 year old widow goes home after a family group event where she has been asked to be a confirmation sponsor for one of the teenagers in her family group and is so excited she can't sleep.
4. When you've just helped teach a single mom's 5 year old boy how to fly his first kite and then you suddenly realize, that HE TOO, taught you something that day.
5. When you return from a funeral of loved one in your blood family, to discover that some "angel" has left a warm loaf of bread with two jars of Blueberry Jam on your doorstep.
This is what community in a parish is about....feeling that you never have to wear a baseball cap during Mass just to make a point....being true companions in Christ...and you know what....we can't give you any good reason to join a Family Group....but if you do decide to join one next Fall when we return, we can assure you that you'll find the "meaning" of why you did. Reason is in your head.....meaning is in your heart.
To fully experience the Peace of Christ...share it with others..."give it away".
...Peace to each of you...have a wonderful summer...and we'll see you in the Narthex on your way out of Mass.
How Family Groups have helped our family
The dreaded phone call came at 9:30pm one Friday night. It was our 20 year old son's girlfriend, Amy, phoning from the Lismore hospital in New South Wales, to tell us that Hugh was in hospital undergoing surgery to re-attach his partly severed left foot. This would be the first operation to set and wire together all his badly broken toes. Another operation would be needed the next week to re-attach the nerves and tendons, and stich back together the top of his instep.
Our priority was to get down to Lismore to be with him, and also to take care of Amy (his American girlfriend over here on a holiday). It was the time of the Hearts on Fire Conference in Brisbane, and Peter and I had booked in to three sessions on the Saturday morning. The first one being the Family Group, with Father Meter PcGrath as key note speaker. We were looking forward to being there as we had recently helped to set up Family Groups in our own Parish, and were the co-ordinating couple, so we felt the more information we could gather the better. We decided to go to just that session, and then travel on to Lismore.
I happened to sit beside Sister HUgh, and because I was so upset and worried about our son Hugh, I told her about his accident. WE had nowhere to stay when we arrived, and knew no-one in the area. When Father Peter and Gwen heard the story, they assured us that the Lismore Family Group would take care of us. They would ring ahead and have someone meet us at the hospital.
That is exactly what happened. We were taken to their homes for meals, and offered accomodation while we were there (we opted to stay in the hospital house for relatives of in-patients). The kindness and generosity shown us is amemory we treasure. When Hugh was discharged from hospital he needed to attend the out-pateints department, so the surgeons could monitor the progress of his foot. We are extremely grateful to Joan and Peter Raison and their family for taking us into their home for the next five days, until Hugh was fit enough to travel home to recuperate.
The care and concern shown to us by people we had never met before is what I consider is the essence of the Family Group Movement.
Sharon and Peter O'Toole
Noosa, Qld.
Australia
A family group weekend away
Here's why and how ours happened:
If you are having a hard time getting your group to a weekend away, take heart and keep trying. It will happen.
It took a lot of talking about the benefits of 'the weekend away' but finally the date was set, the venue approved, and preparations in hand. What we couldn't control was the weather. The week preceding the 'weekend away', it rained all day Monday, poured rain Tuesday, rained most of Wednesday with intermittent showers on Thursday.
I had to go to Brisbane on the Wednesday but was due home Friday afternoon in time to pack up the tent and provisions and be ready to leave by 5.30pm when we would both set off for the camp site which was only ten minutes away. I phoned Peter to let him know I was home and ready to pack the vehicle, only to learn that a mothers meeting had taken place at the school bus stop on Thursday afternoon and because of all the rain and the possibility of more rain and perhaps damp ground underfoot, they'd decided to cancel the 'weekend away'.
He was so disappointed after the hard work needed to convince them initially to go, but I said we are going anyway even if its just us. And it was.
We woke up the next morning to kookaburras singing in the trees, bright sunshine, and NO RAIN. It didn't rain all weekend. The sun shone, we had a relaxing, enjoyable weekend for two. We made sure to take lots of photos of our groups first weekend away and showed the photos around at our next monthly gathering emphasizing what a great time we'd had.
Sharon and Peter O'Toole
Noosa, Queensland
Australia
Small Parish Group Movements seen in Newcastle, NSW, Australia
The Cluster process going on in the diocese has many people thinking about smaller groups whose spiritual, social and emotional bonds are close and sustaining. A variety of such movements exist here and AURORA will be looking at examples over the next few months.
One of the most wide spread and effective is the Passionist Family Group network which has been formed in 19 parishes in the diocese. This is a home grown movement which began in Terrey Hills in Sydney and has since spread across Australia and overseas. It was started by Passionist Father Peter McGrath and financially supported for some time by the Passionist Fathers.
The aims of the Family Group Movement are three. First it is a way of getting to know other members of the parish. Secondly it encourages members to support one another ,sharing joys and sorrows. A third aim is to involve the children of the group in Christian sharing directly , or indirectly by example . it is an attempt to create communities modelled on the communities of the early church.
If parishioners show interest in the movement, the parish priest and parish council must formally invite the diocesan co-ordinators , Pauline and John McGrath , to set the process going. An information meeting is held and if sufficient support is shown ,volunteer parish coordinators organise groups.
The family groups are not just for parents with children. Men and women single ,widowed or divorced are welcome as are the non-catholic partners . Pauline see the groups not just groups of families but as extended families in themselves , containing people of all ages and situations.
Those joining are asked to make a few commitments. They attend monthly outings, are part of a weekend away, and are asked to care about their group between outings. Family groups usually get behind parish activities and projects and members are encouraged to become involved.
Our diocesan movement started about ten years ago in the Booragul parish as an initiative of Tess and Ross Turton. The current co-ordinators here are Mary and Bruce Croger. Despite ups and downs along the way, dedicated leaders have kept the groups alive and enriching. The family groups have helped the parish survive when it has been without it's parish priest ,especially as there is no parish school.
Mary is enthusiastic about the benefits flowing from the Booragul family groups. Help is at hand when sickness or accident strikes, support and understanding are there in the sad break-up of marriage.
A warm welcome is given to single parents and new settlers from overseas are helped to form friendships and other support networks. Non- catholic spouses have been able to find fellowship and share their many gifts with the community.
All aspects of parish life are strongly supported by family group members. A highlight of the year in Booragul Parish is the hamper mass when the family groups present Christmas hampers they have prepared to the St. Vincent de Paul for distribution in that area.
While family groups are not the model of small church communities envisaged in cluster plans, their results are very positive for the church. The movement is spiritual in the sense of nourishing the spirit of the gospels in the lives of it's members. Mary speaks of the work of the family groups as "loving into life" surely an immense gift to any parish.
FEB/MARCH 2000 EDITION NO 20 "AURORA" (Newcastle Hunter Region Diocesan Newspaper)
Family Treasures
Recently our 10 year old son was involved in a school project which required him to locate and write about a "Family Treasure". His immediate response was to name Mildred - after all, he says, "she's pretty old and she's part of our family group so that makes her a family treasure!" The photo at right is of both Daniel's treasures - Mildred and baby sister Vanessa - the oldest and youngest members of the Allen Family Group in St. Patrick's Parish.
And, of course, he's right. Daniel enjoys Mildred's company. At 91, she is our most senior member - but age is no barrier. Failing eyesight is about the only thing that keeps our Mildred from getting into too much mischief, but it doesn't stop her from attending the majority of our group activities. We often drive her to the various activities and she copes amazingly well in the back seat of our van with our three boys. Our youngest son (Thomas - age 4) has been cuddled by Mildred since birth so has no hesitation in giving her a hug when she requests one. Daniel has discovered a "mine of adventure" in her youth - things like shooting down a zeplin during WWI - and likes to hear her descriptions of the castles of England (particularly as his class has been studying medieval times and he's right into knights, castles and methods of torture!)
Mildred is indeed a living treasure - and we are blessed in our group with several more too. May we always remember and consider the needs of our "oldies" as well as those of the children and keep the "families for all" alive and well.
Norma & Shane McCormack
FG Coordinators St Patrick's Parish
Napier, NZ
Shared Wisdom in Leadership
Jesus mixed with everyone - that is, every kind of person. He was at home with the poor, humble and sick, with those who had lowly-rated jobs (like Zaccheus), with fishermen a fair bit, with pharisees and priests - though often they argued, with the wealthy and with women. In modern language Jesus would be described as having a multi-faceted personality.
A curious thing about Jesus was that he rarely told people what to do, though his actions famously pointed that way on the occasion of driving the traders from the temple steps! That was exceptional. Usually, when asked for advice, he would turn the question around and draw out the wisdom and experience of the questioner (eg about who to pay tribute to), or else tell a parable that was often a bit obscure.
So, the great guru, who achieved a huge reputation for wisdom, did not shove it down the throat of others. Use of the parable enabled the other person to interpret an event or idea in the light of personal wisdom, to come up with an outcome that fitted their own view of the world. Jesus' example, then, was not to say this is the answer, but rather to tell a story relating to a question or a complaint (for example in response to grumbles about the company he kept he told a series of stories: the lost sheep; the prodigal son).
In sharing wisdom in our faith community we might well draw on the approach of Jesus in allowing, indeed encouraging the input of others with different views and backgrounds. The truth is that in our communities the diversity of background, experience, expectations and hopes is immense. How can we make a success of sharing our wisdom in making decisions and managing aspects of the life of such a community? Peter Ryan, Director of Catholic Education in the Diocese of Lismore provided great guidance about this at a recent gathering near Brisbane of Family Group Coordinators.
He contrasted different approaches to decision making - notably the adversarial style of politics where frequently there is either win-lose through weight of numbers or compromise, which leaves everyone feeling less that satisfied. The deliberations of the senate over Native Title and the GST in Australian politics are good recent examples of compromise. In contrast to this Peter promoted the consensus approach, or cooperative decision-making. A primary requirement to enable this to work is that everyone concerned needs to have faith in the integrity of everyone else in the group, and to have a gospel-based approach, in the style of Jesus.
Consensus does not mean that everyone must agree about an issue, but it does mean that everyone feels valued, that they have been genuinely heard and are happy to support the outcome. No-one feels at the end that they have been rolled. To reach this point the condition of "having faith in the integrity of everyone" must have been met. That is the big step. This is where Jesus' example comes to our aid. He was open to everyone; he valued everyone's place in the world - demonstrating his own growth to reach the ultimate stage in development of the human spirit. Those who have achieved this level of enlightenment accept that all views have merit, and are neither right nor wrong but simply part of the big picture, the great variability we find among our fellow humans.
The challenge of the Family Group is that it provides the opportunity to take up the challenge to grow in this direction of listening openly to other views, other interpretations of life's experiences and journeys. Growth in that way leads to great enrichment of the shared life of the group and great personal enrichment also in one's relationships in personal family, faith community, the workplace, and the wider community.
Mike Foal
Comments on Family Groups and Community
Recently, when inviting parishioners to join Family Groups, I recalled President Kennedy's challenge to the American people:
I reduced this statement to the parish level:
Just in case people thought I was appealing for money, I clarified my statement that I was not asking people to increase their planned giving promises. I was in fact challenging them to ask what they could do for the people sitting around them in the church, and living around them in the suburbs in which the church is located.
I have seen, and have heard of, Family Groups that fade away and die because the members of the group had the wrong focus - they were thinking of what other people could do to keep them amused, or happy or entertained; they didn't see their role in the Family Group as providing a service to their fellow parishioners.
Service is rather an unfortunate word because it has overtones of mindless, uncaring activity (the public service?). The word I prefer is commitment, not commitment to abstract principles, but a deliberate and ongoing decision to focus on the needs and desires of people outside ourselves, outside our own nuclear family.
The slogan "Charity begins at home" is sometimes used as an argument to concentrate on our immediate neighbours and to ignore our more distant neighbours. But real charity doesn't stay at home. If we really go outside ourselves to become involved in the joys and sorrows of our Family Group members, we will inevitably open up to the wider community. This is why I would argue that Family Groups form the basis for a genuine Parish Community and, given time, to the development of community beyond the walls of the Parish church, beyond the physical boundaries of the local Parish, and beyond the various other cultural, religious and physical boundaries, within which we live our lives.
The great strength of Family Groups is their simplicity. But the simplicity is deceptive, just as the simplicity of the Gospels is deceptive. If Family Groups are nothing more than monthly encounters with some other kindred spirits, they won't last more than a generation. But if these encounters are the expression of a genuine commitment to others then Family Groups will live on.
Myles Hanna
Weetangera, ACT
Australia
An Aussie's view on Family Groups
I want to write briefly about Family Groups - what they are, what they are not and why you may need to be in one. Remember that Elijah found God in a surprising place -not in the power and terror of nature, but the ordinariness and comfort of a gentle breeze.
I think that the Passionist Family Groups are something like that too. Often we worry about impossibly difficult things and issues, when God is actually asking us to take one simple step at a time with him - to relax trust him and to do the ordinary things He wants instead of the huge things we let worry us.
Being in a family group is the most ordinary of ordinary things.
We aren't ending wars but in a way we are building peace.
We aren't solving problems but we are there for each other in the times of need.
We aren't ending misery, but we are enjoying being who we are and sharing with each other. We aren't ending loneliness but are sharing each other's company once a month at our outings getting closer to each other, and renewing our sense of community.
Joining a family group can be scary - you might actually make new friends or get to know existing friends much better.. For some of us, the companionship we have found can even make us leave the Air Force and settle down in Raymond Terrace despite the rain!!
Our Family Group has been going since 1996. We have shared the joys of birth and the sadness of death. We have had a variety of people join and leave our group for various reasons (by the way, there is no obligation to stay - so you have no excuse to give it a go!)
Those who have stayed have progressively got to know each other better and better, to the point where we can relax, drop our masks and be ourselves. We have travelled near and far in search of fun monthly activities - sometimes for all the families and sometimes for the adults alone. We have had car rallies, bush dances ,cricket games, barbeques, beach days, boat cruises gone to jazz festivals and played on the steam trains at Edgeworth.
A Family Group is a group of people who commit to a monthly outing with each other. There are no formal prayer services, no minutes of meetings and outings are kept to a minimal cost. The group comprises people of mixed ages, marital status, and religious beliefs. Once a year there is a really scary event called "the weekend away" where instead of having fun with each other for one day or one evening, you have to suffer enjoyment for a whole weekend!
I think our Lord's words apply to joining a Family Group as to walking on water - Courage! Do not be afraid"
Thanks for your time.
Gerry Mann (ex Australian Air Force)
Raymond Terrace, NSW
Australia
Our family group's story of sharing their lives
In August this year our Family Groups here at St. Michael's will be nine years old. The years have flown by and the Hanlon Family Group is still together, sharing good times and many outings. The nine families have been with us for almost the whole nine years with the exception of one family who only seem like they have been with us from the beginning of the groups forming, but in fact joined us a few years after we started when they moved here from the country.
Between us now we have 18 adults and 20 children (4 of whom are teenagers). We have had fluctuating numbers and at times had up to 13 families and many, many children. A couple of families have moved away, and others have tried it and found that it wasn't for them.
This is all pretty normal as Family Groups go, but it always strikes me as exceptional, the way a bunch of very different people in very different age ranges ,walks of life and points of view are able to rub along together and give each other loads of love and affection. How they continue to turn up to almost every planned event showing that the group is still very important to each and every one of them. Neil and I have had the privilege of leading this group and have had the honour of all the members being loving and kind to us in return. We are blessed to have them share our lives.
Recently Neil decided to take the big step of becoming a Catholic and was received into the Church on Easter Saturday at St. Michaels. One of the very special moments of the evening was when Fr. John invited the community at the service to welcome Neil in their own way. Immediately a sea of wonderful, loving parishioners joined a queue to hug him and shake his hand. Neil was truly moved by this and he said later that he felt that he was really wanted and loved as part of our parish family.
Our trusty leader Fr. Peter McGrath (Passionist Family Group Founder) has always told us about not preaching at Family Group outings and is a firm believer in letting the Holy Spirit do it's work. I have to say that this is great advice. Neil didn't join the groups with the intention of joining the church, this was an added bonus. However we both know that the contact and the sharing with the parish within the Family Group Movement has given him the encouragement to take the step.
What the Family Group Movement does best is open up doors for sharing lives with others in good and bad times and in all types of sticky situations. If we remember that it is with God's love that we gather then all kinds of little miracles will happen.
Family Groups have been the mainstay in our Parish Community and it is with a great feeling of anticipation that the Hanlon Family group goes forward into the 21st Century.
Carmel and Neil Hanlon
Booragul, NSW
Australia
A first family group meeting
Hi Dave (Gardiner Family Group Parish Coordinator). We had our first meeting on Sunday Oct 10th. Attendance was great. Nine of our 14 families attended including children, 26 total!
We started with introductions. Everyone gave a little information about themselves, and why they joined the group, which helped in connecting. Learning a little about each person helped in connecting a name with a face, especially with those who have trouble with names.
We then ate (most important), everyone brought one of their favorite dishes. We had a great selection of fine foods from casseroles, calzone, salads and best of all, desserts. Everyone just jumped in and helped themselves.
During this time people got acquainted. It was interesting to hear what was happening as I walked about speaking with my new friends. People were already sharing feelings, experiences, and life. It really was wonderful; it just happened.
By the way, the kids were great, they start connecting immediately. I think children relate easier than adults do sometimes. The kids kind of took over the family room downstairs when we were working on our calendar dates. Some of the older ones were reading, others were playing hide and seek and playing other games.
Parents also related to each other as parents while tending to their children. Each adult, children or no children, took their turn going to the family room to check things out.
We are also getting our Birthday/Anniversary list together. Stacie volunteered to compile it.
We talked about having an informal kitty for expenses. We will be starting something next meeting; a coffee can for donations, nothing formal. All agreed that this would be best. We do not want to have a treasurer. We agreed this fund would be used for flowers, cards etc.
I guess that is all for now. Can't wait for the next meeting.
Pat Greenleaf
Family Group Leader St. Joseph's Gardiner, Maine
USA
Joining Family Groups - My Personal Story
I had moved to Fennell Bay five years ago out of an unhappy marriage and my self esteem was very low at times. I decided to make the very best of my life for the rest of my life and in a very positive way, decided to join in with parish life and a new community. Thus I joined, amongst other things, a Family Group.
I learned quickly that if I wanted to get something out of it, I had to put something into it and so my great journey with the Philippa/Tyezynski Group started.
I work shifts, and felt the Family Group came first so I often had to change shifts or leave functions early to go to work on night shifts. However, if I couldn't manage to go to the outings I explained why and offered to do what ever I could to assist to make our outings a success.
My journey with my Family Group has been very rich and rewarding . I have been able to open up to various people and share many of my life experiences, thus healing many of my previous hurts. I have been able to put my past behind me and live in today, love my own children unconditionally, as well as love all the members of my Family Group.
I cannot describe the way I feel about Family Groups, It is like a "warm fuzzy feeling". I feel loved, cared for and nurtured. I know if ever I need anyone for anything I only have to ask or call out and Ill have some one to cloak me in love and be there for me. Wonderful isn't it!
Mary Fletcher
Booragul, NSW
Australia
Story Spinning
On Sunday July 11 Father Peter McGrath, founder of the Passionist Family Groups brought to Newcastle (NSW, Australia) fellow Passionist priest, Father John Powers, winner of the 1998 Storytelling Anthology Award in the USA.
Over a hundred people gathered on the bleak, wet afternoon and were richly rewarded with four hours of Father Peter's quick wit and humour and Father John's skill in storytelling . Back home in America he is well known as a writer, poet, storyteller, and TV personality.
Father John tells his stories with a story stick in hand, a tall solid notchy pole with a face carved into it by a craftsman from Arkansas. He uses what he calls a Christian Midrash Techinque- midrash coming from the Jewish art of threading many stories together.
The first story he told us was about the 'Treasure Seeker' and he wove into this many biblical stories such as the Prodical son, The Good Samaritan and the workers in the field. As he told the story he constantly referred to the truth that our treasure is in our own back yard. There will be pain and hardship in removing the rocks and the searching and the digging but we will find our treasure in no other place except within ourselves.
Father Peter had made a small group of children comfortable on a blanket right at the front and both he and Father John had made them feel very special and frequently included the in their remarks and discussions. The children listened very well and were quick to throw their own ideas into the think tank. Following Father John's thoughts about God's abundance some very very intellectual and theological comments were coming from the adults when we were all struck silent by one little child piping up: "If we didn't have God we wouldn't exist".
End of discussion. God has loved us into life. What greater proof of his love can we have?
Father John then told a special story for the children. The Lion Who Forgot to Roar. The lion befriended a little sheep who was lost and trying to find his way home. This lion was under a great handicap because he had forgotten how to roar. Then a wolf
threatened to kill the little sheep and suddenly the lion was so concerned for his little friend that he felt a roar welling up from the pit of his stomach, up his throat and out of his mouth. It was such a huge roar that the wolf ran for his life.
When I reflected on this story I thought that apathy can so often make us inactive. We need to be passionate for action to take place to stand up for others, especially those without power to really care and share and to fight for the values that we live by.
We did a lovely little exercise each holding a tiny seed which we had to imagine was a mustard seed- destined to grow into a mighty tree. We were invited to suggest how we would achieve this . Well! There were many excellent horticultural suggestions relating to space, position to take advantage of the sun, fertilising, watering, vigilance. Then one of the young "Blanket Brigade" called out " just love it" . There was a hush and I think we all felt that the spirit was there and that we were graced!
A few basic rules for Leadership were suggested which can be applied, not just to leaders in the Family Group Movement, but extremely useful to anyone committing themselves to any cause or ministry.
1. Show up
2. Pay attention especially to God's message in your life
3. Participate-give more and more of yourself.
4. Be honest tell yourself the truth.
5. Let go of the results.
I found this last rule could be especially helpful and comforting to many people who try their utmost, expend a lot of time and energy and in spite of all their efforts, because of various unforeseen complications are disappointed with the results.
Then we must learn to just, "Let Go and Let God".
We drove home in the blustery rain with night falling and the chill of the July winter descending but we felt warmed and cheered by the afternoon spent with Father Peter and Father John, many of our Family Group friends and our special little people of the "Blanket Brigade".
Tess Turton
Booragul NSW
Australia.
It takes guts to get grass roots
The following quote leapt out at me as I was reading a book recently. It is from an American counsellor and theologian looking at issues leading to social and personal breakdown in our modern age. The quote itself is from "Bradshaw on `The Family'.
"We are spiritual beings on an earthly journey. Our spirituality makes up our beingness. We are essentially spiritual."
This quote reinforces the simplicity of the Family Group message that caring for each other as Christ cared for us should be at the heart of our Faith. So often we hear it said that Family Groups are not spiritual enough. Perhaps we try too hard to get spiritual without realizing that we simply are "spiritual beings."
In the formal religious Catholic environment, we nurture our spirit with prayerful discussion groups and meaningful liturgies. Now, through Family Groups, we are finjally realizing that the greatest leap in faith occurs when we reach into the guts of each other's lives and take responsibility for each other.
As we stretch ourselves to `reach in', we sometimes discover those dusty, dank closet skeletons. We are now reaching the grass roots level of our journey as Family Group members. Do not despair, for in realizing that we are all `essentially spiritual' we are gifted with the understanding that if we look hard enough into that dark closet you will see the Light of Christ shining. It may not happen overnight, but you will see it.
Doesn't it sound so easy? WRONG!! In difficult times, it is often the Leaders' task to facilitate the healing. We have unique, creative and committed Leaders who have had to deal with a multitude of problems, many of which most of us are never aware of. Their patience is boundless, their doors always open.
Let's keep the disappointments to a minimum for these kind and generous people who have committed themselves to us. Let's resolutely re-dedicate our lives to our Family Group, renew our commitment to each other as `spiritual beings', bring acceptance and understanding with us to our Family Groups, make our gatherings a priority and be responsible for the spiritual well being of each other.
Mary Croger
Parish Coordinator
Booragul, NSW
Australia
Why join a Family Group?
After a great weekend for all the New South Wales Family Group Co-ordinators, we were thrilled when we got home to some phone messages from people interested in joining Family Groups.
One caller, a new mother suffering from a mixture of post natal depression, loneliness and exhaustion, said that she saw lots of hope in the words of the logo.... "A FAMILY for ALL"
As the family has a fairly long and hard-to-pronounce surname, we had a slight degree of concern as to which group they should be placed in, but on hearing the name, the designated Leader announced, "What a great name - my wife's father is Polish. They'll have a lot in common!"
The Family Group Spirit was also very evident when a family `wandered' into one of our Groups by accident. Their initial embarrassment must have been short-lived because they joined the Group right then and withing the week were helping to plan the year's activities.
We as Co-ordinators are privileged to hear more and more stories like these about peoples' needs being met and new friendships being formed. I think I could easily become addicted to reports of groups bonding on their first weekend away or of shy people losing their reserve or of single Mums and Dads getting a bit of a break from the constancy of parenting. Yes, it's a tough job, but someone's got to do it!
Dennis and Elizabeth Farrar
Springwood, New South Wales
Australia
Ordinary
An ordinary thing happened at a Family Group function on a Saturday night not long ago.
Our Family Group was to meet at 6:30pm for a night of games. It was a very cold and blustery evening but we showed at the appointed time only to find that no other members were there. For half an hour we talked to the couple and their children around their kitchen table. We talked about all kinds of things and really got to know this couple a lot better. And i am sure they got to know us also.
At 7pm a lone Family Group member showed up and she joined us for another half hour of conversation - then at 7:30, one by one, 4 more families showed up - and all gathered at the table to sip coffee and munch on goodies we all brought and TALK, TALK, TALK.
We talked so much and so long that before we knew it, it was almost 10pm and no one had played ANY games. Except for the children who were downstairs. Around 9:30 a few of the children wandered upstairs and quietly asked if we were ready yet? - meaning were we going to start playing games now?
It was truly an exceptional evening as one by one we got to know each other. We discovered so many things, illnesses in 2 of the women that had been overcome and beaten, another woman's mother was recovering from a serious heart problem and facing difficult surgery in a few days.
One of the families adopted 2 children of another race and were thinking of adopting a third (along with their own 2 daughters). How hard it was managing a household full of children with the hectic time schedules most of us have these days. How hard it is to juggle all the responsibilities of family life.
All the while we were happy and upbeat, plenty of laughter. The stories werre far from depressing. They were little victories along the way. We were just a group of people bonding, telling, becoming friends - BECOMING A FAMILY.
What a joy to be there. What an insightful evening. The dictionary describes ordinary as uneventful. I disagreed that night. I think it was the most eventful evening I've experienced in a long time!
It goes to show that whoever turns up are the right people, and that whatever happens was meant to happen. Our group experienced an "ordinary thing" that evening and how blessed we are to have had it!
Kathy Yeager
Family Group Leader
Mountain Top, Pennsylvania
USA
Sydney to Canberra and Beyond
On the weekend of 21-22 March 1999, a group of St. Anthony's parishoners (larger than a football team) visited the Canberra/Goulburn Diocese (capital city of Australia). The idea of the venture was to hit a whole Diocese at the one time to encourage existing family group members and to invite others to join. Our "coach", Fr. Peter, called us "Motivators and Encouragers", believing that the greatest motivation we could offer to the people of that Diocese was our own witness and our willingness to travel the miles to pass on the message.
We spread ourselves through the parishes of the Diocese - Mike and Denise Fuller-Lewis to Aranda, Kevin and Marie Roberts to Batemans Bay, Christine and Paul McCabe to Bega, Marie and John McCauseland to Calwell, Di and Ken Munro to Crookwell, Val and Bob Whittaker to Goulburn North, Tony Reagan to Holder, Gail and Allan Reiher to O'Connor, Marge and John Saunders to Page, Shirley and Paul Carroll to Queanbeyan, Sue and Geoff Muir to Tumut, Mary and Graham Hall to Waramanga, Mary Ingham to Woden South, Maris and Noel Braun to Yass.
Back home, Fr. Tom (Pastor, St. Anthony's), prayed with the congregations for our safety and the success of our Mission to build God's Kingdom. These prayers were well heard - everyone reported on their welcome and hospitality. Each couple gave their "dose" of family group motivation in their own style and each had a story to tell. At Yass, Maris and I were very well received by our hosts and Family Group Coordinators (Geraldine and Bill Smith). The parish priest, Fr. Froham, was equally positive. In introducing me to the congregation, he hoped that the gospel of the day (raising Lazarus) was a good sign. Jesus brought life back to Lazarus, Noel might help bring life back to the parish's Family Groups. We also visited Murrumbateman where Mass was held in the Angelican Church. Our story of positive acceptance was repeated throughout the Diocese. From the enthusiasm evidenced at the debrief, it would be a question of who received the greater benefit and encouragement, the visitors or the parishes? The venture brought back life in so many ways and a few new friendships have been established too!
My thanks to Mary Ingham and Barbara Lunnon back at "home base" in St. Ives for their "behind the scenes" organization. Thanks, too, to Fr. Peter for his very positive words of appreciation. He made us realize that we were engaged in a very special mission of helping people to fulfill Jesus' command to love one another. (Editor's comment: These people were truly disciples of Christ. As I was reading the account, I thought I was reliving passages from St. Paul's Letters - Geoff)
Noel Braun
St. Anthony's, Terrey Hills, NSW
Australia
Powered by Greymatter
Design by L.Bennett